My hope for this website is to raise awareness of abuse and to help victims find resources and help, understand that you are not alone, and begin to recognize forms of abuse and start to recover from them.I spent many years in an abusive relationship but wouldn’t accept the truth of it because I didn’t think I was physically abused. Looking back, I was physically abused, but the emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse I suffered was far worse.

The fog is now lifting for me, but I still experience verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse every day and am trying to recover.I can’t possibly capture all the stories that led me to the place I am now, a person trying hard to rebuild myself after years of abuse.There were a few red flags when I first met my future husband(my family didn’t like him, he would make fun of me, yell at me a lot, never apologized,and was always right) but I ignored all that.

When we married, he began belittling me more and more....I couldn’t hang a picture right, he would have cooked dinner different, I would get yelled at for the most insignificant things, and if I disagreed with him then he would say I shouldn’t share my thoughts unless they were fully considered from all angles(because he is always right). He would tell me he was on his way home from work but and not arrive for hours later (if at all). He’d yell at me for asking him where he was, tell me I need to work on my ability to trust, that this is all made up in my mind.I’d wake up at 3AM, call him at the office (no answer), drive by his office (not there), and then cry for the rest of the night. I’d hide in the bathroom when he’d started yelling. He’d destroy the closet, throw things, and rip handles off doors...and I would just clean it up. He gave me one of the two STDs he contracted and convinced me it wasn’t from cheating, that someone “poisoned” him or he got it 20 years ago and didn’t know.

He claimed he did top secret research which is why he wasn’t coming home. Eventually, I came to believe every one of his lies and convinced myself that I needed to trust him and stop questioning(gaslighting). It got to a point that I just agreed with everything because it was easier, and I became invisible and felt completely isolated and ashamed. Our marital counselor discovered he was using drugs, and recommended he go to in-patient rehab.I checked him in that day. While he was in rehab, I would get love and hate bomb emails and texts everyday, stories of his victimization as a child and adult(all of this was new to me), that none of his actions were his fault because of his trauma and drug use. So essentially, my husband thought I should just forgive him for everything...a clean slate.

But while he was in rehab,the fog started to lift (although not fully) and I began to seek help from my counselor, friends, family, and church.But I would say the fog finally parted for me when I received his subpoenaed credit card statements that showed hotels, drugs,and sex. I finally had evidence of the truth and knew I wasn’t crazy. It took that all of that (and I’ve left out a lot) for me to finally be free. So, dear reader, if any part of my story resonates with you,and you question if you are also a victim,seek help, talk to your friends and family, and get out of the situation. No one deserves to be abused.